If you’re new to a relationship or unsure how well your partner and you mesh sexually, it’s helpful to ask some key questions.
These tips will help you be more aware of your sexual compatibility and how to navigate any sexual incompatibility that may arise. From sharing your fantasies to avoiding sexual taboos, these sexual compatibility tips will set you up for success in your relationship.
1. Share your sexual preferences
Whether you and your partner have similar sexual preferences or not, it’s important to talk about them. Having open communication about what you want and don’t want can make or break your relationship’s sexual compatibility. It may seem scary at first, but remember, being vulnerable is a big part of intimacy.
Everyone has different kinks, fantasies, and passions, and it’s crucial to share these with your partners. For example, if you love anal and oral sex but your partner prefers more intense physical contact, it can lead to tension in the bedroom. It’s also a good idea to try masturbating in front of your partner so that they know what pleasures you enjoy and can help you achieve them.
When it comes to sexual incompatibility, sometimes it’s not a deal-breaker—especially if you both prioritize other aspects of your relationship over sex. However, it’s important to consider your relationship structure if you think your sexual compatibility isn’t perfect. If you’re in a non-monogamous relationship, for instance, it might be more important to find other ways to connect physically and intimately with your partner.
Other times, incompatibility is a major issue and can be a cause of sexual insatisfaction and frustration in the relationship. In those instances, addressing the problem with empathy and compassion is critical. For example, if your partner is suffering from erectile issues or is dealing with other health conditions that affect their libido, it’s important to bring these concerns up in conversation and work on solutions together.
2. Communicate about your sex habits
Whether you’re talking about what turns you on sexually or what you like or don’t like to do, communicating is key. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing that you and your partner don’t have the same sexual preferences, but it’s important to communicate openly about what works and doesn’t work for you, and be willing to compromise if need be.
It is also important to remember that your sexual preferences and needs can change over time, which is why communication is so important. It’s a good idea to check in with your partner regularly and be open to trying new things. You may find that there are things you and your partner enjoy doing together that you weren’t expecting!
If you’re unsure where to start, try masturbating and focusing on your own pleasure. Mendez says that this can be a great way to get back in touch with what feels good or doesn’t feel good for you, and will give you the tools to share those things with your partner.
Smith-Fiallo also recommends looking at other ways to build intimacy in your relationship, which could include Netflix and chilling or forehead kisses. The point is to create a space in your relationship that doesn’t revolve solely around sex, so that you can have the conversations about sexual compatibility when the hormones are high.
3. Don’t be afraid to ask for help
Sexual compatibility can be a sensitive topic, especially in a romantic relationship. It’s important to talk openly about your preferences and needs, and to work together on finding solutions that satisfy both of you. If you’re not on the same page about your sex life, it can lead to frustration and dissatisfaction in both of you.
One way to do this is by scheduling a time to meet with a sex therapist. A sex therapist is trained to help couples overcome sexual incompatibility issues and can offer advice and tools for improving sex satisfaction.
Another option is to try masturbating on your own. It might seem counterintuitive, but masturbating can help you reconnect with your sense of pleasure and what turns you on. It can also help you understand what your partner needs from sex and how to better communicate those things to them.
If your partner is not willing to discuss their sexual desires or needs with you, it may be time to find a new partner. However, it’s important to remember that sometimes sexual incompatibility is a temporary problem. For example, someone may be suffering from a medical condition that interferes with their sex drive. If this is the case, waiting to see if they get better may actually increase your chances of sexual satisfaction down the road.
4. Don’t be afraid to be honest
Sometimes, it is hard to tell if your sexual compatibility with someone else is going to work out. That is because, unlike the majority of other relationship issues, there are no set in stone rules about sexual compatibility and how it works. However, it is important to remember that you should be honest with the person you are in a relationship with about what your sexual needs and desires are.
For example, if you are comfortable with only having oral sex three times a week and your partner wants to have sex with more frequency, you need to be open about this. This will prevent you from being surprised by your partner’s actions and can create a more enjoyable sexual experience for both of you.
In addition, if you are uncomfortable with certain bedroom positions or sexual activity, you need to be open about these preferences as well. If you want to have a more adventurous sex life, your partner should be willing to explore new positions or adventures with you.
Finally, if you are having trouble meeting your partner’s sexual needs or you find that you are not on the same page about sex, consider scheduling an appointment with a therapist who specializes in sex therapy. A sex therapist will be able to help you resolve your sex-related issues and bring peace back into your relationship.