What to Look For in a Sexual Partner

Sometimes, sexual desires can change over time. It’s not your fault if you feel less turned on than you used to.

It’s important to communicate. Initiating sex subtly can be a great way to build intimacy with your partner. Brushing against them, running your hands through their hair, or nuzzling their cheeks are all ways to send suggestive signals that you’re in the mood.

1. Be honest.

Especially in the beginning, it’s important for both partners to be open about their sexual desires and fantasies. This can help them discover what turns each other on and also encourage communication, which is an essential ingredient in any relationship.

Men, in particular, are often hesitant to express their sexual preferences, but they should learn to be more vocal. They can do so in the bedroom, when rubbing their erogenous zones, and even in their everyday conversations with their partner. This type of open communication can also build intimacy and trust, which are essential to sexual satisfaction.

Aside from the usual pleasure points, men should be encouraged to explore clitoral stimulation and internal stimulation in the area known as their “G-spot.” They should also be allowed to moan, groan, and scream at will. These expressions of pleasure are incredibly erotic and turn many men on.

It’s inevitable that at some point, a couple will have moments when one partner wants sex more than the other. If this becomes a recurring issue, it may be time to look at other parts of your relationship.

2. Be a good listener.

One of the best ways to connect with your partner is by listening well. It’s a big part of foreplay, and it can help you discover your partner’s “hot spots” and what really turns them on sexually.

Being a good listener means that you don’t interrupt them and that you don’t try to talk over them, says Levin McGrath. It also means that you pay attention to their non-verbal cues, like their head nodding or their expressions of agreement. These are signals that they feel heard, understood, and validated.

In addition, you can be a better listener by asking questions to clarify what they’re saying and paraphrasing it back to them to make sure that you understand correctly, says Orbuch. This might take multiple back and forths, but that’s okay.

Finally, it’s important to remember that they need to be fully understood and validated, especially when they’re expressing their feelings. You can do this by echoing their feelings, such as “that sucks,” or by saying things like, “Oh man, that’s a dick.” This will make them feel loved and understood, even if you don’t agree with their feelings.

3. Be playful.

A sense of humor and playful attitude are important traits to look for in a sexual partner. When you’re playful, it signals your interest in physical intimacy, and can heighten passions between the sheets. It can also be a way to break through sexual tensions that may have built up, and to create new ways to explore your body together.

In fact, playfulness is a key factor in many happy and lasting relationships. When researchers surveyed people in a relationship, they found that those who were playful tended to be happier in their relationships than those who weren’t.

Being playful in the bedroom isn’t always easy, but it can help you feel more confident in your sexual abilities. Try flirting with your partner through text messages or by using touch to communicate your desire for them. You could also try adding some sexy role play to your routine, or simply surprise your partner by doing something unexpected, like massaging them or kissing them intimately. Just remember to never cross any boundaries that are inappropriate or unsafe.

4. Be kind.

When discussing sexuality with your partner, try to do so with a sense of humor. This can make it fun and exciting for both of you. And it can help to ease the pressure that can come with this topic.

Remember that each person has his or her own sexual preferences and desires, so be patient and understanding. And don’t criticize them for those preferences, even if you disagree with them. It can be a huge turnoff for people to feel judged by their partners for their interests or personal boundaries.

If you have to talk about sex, choose a stress-free time and a private place. This will help to foster a feeling of safety and security. And always check in with one another to see how you’re both doing emotionally. For example, if you both start to get upset during the conversation, it’s best to take a break from it and return to it later. This will allow for a more productive and less heated discussion. Holding hands, hugging, and other acts of physical affection can also help to reduce daily levels of the stress hormone cortisol. This in turn helps to increase oxytocin, which boosts feelings of happiness and wellbeing.

5. Be respectful.

A respectful partner is willing to listen and consider your point of view, even if they disagree with you. They treat you with courtesy and sensitivity, which make you feel valued and loved.

Communicating openly about sex is key to sexual pleasure. Look for a partner who’s comfortable talking about their sex desires, and encourages you to share yours with them as well. Some people prefer to talk about sex in person, while others are more at ease writing it down or sharing their thoughts via email or text.

It’s also important to respect a partner’s personal boundaries, whether they’re related to sex or not. For example, if your partner loves base jumping or gambling, you should accept their interests and let them be themselves. However, if their interests are harmful to your relationship, you need to have a conversation about them. If you don’t, they may start to feel disrespected, and this could lead to violence. In addition, you should avoid judging your partner for their interests, as this can cause conflict and resentment.